Family Court

For the first time in my life, I have had first hand experience with our family court system...most of us have nowdays in some form. Nearly two weeks ago, I appeared telephonically, due to distance, in court to witness my marriage being dissolved. This was an experience that crushed me and left me heartsick, not only for my husband but also for families in the United States that are daily subjected to the same kind of treatment that I experienced, perhaps even worse, especially when children are involved. I don't want to go into bitter details, I just want to share with you my experience and pray you never have to go through it for yourself.

In an article I read titled "Divorced from Reality," Stephen Baskerville makes the following points. I have summarized a few of them that struck me. "The decline of the family has become a dangerous epidemic and major source of social instability today." I personally run into its effects on a daily basis, in the classroom, at the grocery store, etc... "For a little over thirty years now, the government has had the power to disolve a marriage over the objection of one spouse, an act known as unilateral, or no-fault, divorce." 80 percent of divorces today are unilateral, according to Frank Furstenberg and Andrew Cherlin in Divided Families. "Divorce dissolves a private household and subjects citizens to state rule and authority. Police and jails enforce the divorce and the post-marriage order."

My marriage was happy, never perfect, but always happy. My husband and I met at an early age and fell in love. We married and in service to one another became advocates for marriage and families for the near decade that we were together. Our marriage ended abruptly and with little closure, the pain for me came with a breakdown in communication and witnessing my husband turn against me in a chosen effort to walk away. I wanted to reconcile, he wanted out. Our marriage ended.

I will always love and pray for my ex-husband, a legal term I must now become comfortable with using, and possess memories with him. Nothing could change that, even if all of the memorabilia from our relationship was burned. I have been advised to move on, and I have, otherwise the pain would consume me; it is a slow process and takes time. Although my life again will be filled with happiness, I forever bear the wound of a pain worse than the death of a loved one. During our court hearing, the judge spoke routine and disturbing words to us. He said, "I hope you two will be able to put the past behind you. I wish you luck in the future. Thanks for calling in (somehow my husband was given permission to not be present!)." I found his words and treatment of us heartless and the very behavior of the judge, for lack of a better word, flaky.

In Matthew 19:6 it says, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must never separate" (NIV). May we not forget that the marriage relationship was designed to be a symbol of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. God's love for us is everlasting and never changes, just as the symbolic ring has no ending. If you are considering separation or divorce, please reconsider. You have made a marriage vow before God and this is a covenant. Don't let our family court system tell you otherwise! Stick together, work out your issues together. Wives, respect your husbands and husbands, love your wives as you have been called to do, and you WILL be blessed (Eph. 5:22-33). Most importantly, pray for each other and never give up!

If you are struggling in your marriage, don't worry, you're not the first! Seek the help of a biblical counselor (to find a biblical counseling center, just google "biblical counseling" and include your city and state). Seeking the help of a third party is never a shameful thing, it is what we are called to do in scripture if there is an issue that cannot be worked out between two. Also, check out retrouvaille at http://www.retrouvaille.org/. It is a program designed to help you rediscover your marriage! Marriage is tough, let God heal yours today, just stick together!

One day at a time. His grace...His pace!