P.S. I Love You

Great Film by Cecilia Ahern, written at the age of 21. A story about Holly and Gerry played by Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler, about love and loss and hope. Really paints a picture of a pure kind of love. "You don't ever have another best friend, like that first one you have, when you're old enough to know who you are in life, when you're comfortable with yourself, you're not competing all the time." The journey of Holly is a work in progress. "You never know what tomorrow is going to bring. Live in the moment, live each as it was your last and hold those that you love near." A real tear-jerker. Be prepared. P.S. I Love You.

Living Water

It's been really hard for me to write lately, and I'd rather not just write to write, but have some purpose. Ya know? Do you ever experience periods of drought or loss? Well I do. You see, it's just been a hard time for me and I've experienced this void in my life. As I seek to fill the emptiness in my heart, I am often slow and I try to fill it with things that won't completely satisfy or last. For instance, food. Everyone gets hungry and has to eat, but the truth is that no matter how much you or I eat, we will always wind up hungry again! That's why I love John 4, the story of the woman at the well. Beth Moore's study on Breaking Free has been enlightening. God gives us this beautiful picture about living water. Jesus asks the woman for a drink, then shows her that the water in the well will cause her to be thirsty again, but that He has living water that will not only satisfy, but be a "fountain...springing up to eternal life" (vs. 13). Now that's what I'd like to fill me up! I hope you do too!

Christmas Vacation

Today I woke up to a snow day, our first one this year. What a cozy way to begin Christmas vacation. I've wanted to go out to do Christmas shopping, but the snow keeps falling, so I'm playing it safe and staying indoors.

This week, I've been singing hours of Christmas carols...tis the season for a music teacher...this carol keeps ringing in my mind:

"Oh the weather outside is frightful

but the fire is so delightful

and since we've no place to go

Let it snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!"

I'm just glad the snow waited until early this morning because last night I took my select choir caroling at the Wonderland of Lights at the Potter Park Zoo. This picture doesn't show faces, but may give you an idea of our evening of fun, santa hats in all. The kids had a blast!

I thank the Lord for today.

Give Thanks

Truly one of the most life changing phenomenons is learning how to give thanks. "Give thanks with a grateful heart!" I was challenged this week to find five things that I was thankful for. It didn't take long before my list was filled and I realized all the daily comforts and joys and wonderful relationships that I am priviledged to have. It's when I choose to be selfish, angry, to doubt or to make excuses that joy leaves my heart and consequently thanks leaves my lips. What about you?

On this Thanksgiving holiday, may you remember all that you have to be thankful for: Family, friends, food (gobble, gobble:), and especially our Heavenly Father who gave His only son to save us from our sins!

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever" (Psalm 118:1).

Does a puppy have a heart?

Today my Dad left the house on some errands, while he was gone his puppy, Maximus, cried while carrying around the bone that my Dad had given him before he left. The dog cried and cried, moped around and all the while carried his bone from place to place around the office. As I watched Maximus, I realized that he has a heart, a big one. His heart recognized the absense of his best friend and just couldn't cope with life as a result, not even to eat a yummy bone.

I understand Maximus' heart. This is how I feel today.

Isaiah 53 tells me that Jesus was "acquainted with grief...Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows."

Just a piece of grace

It has been such a long day...and it's only Monday! Tomorrow evening we have our first middle school choir concert. I am looking forward to the event, to see all of the students in their concert white and black and performing their little hearts out (hopefully;), but sometimes I wonder if I have the energy left inside of me... I just want for the students to love music.

Just a piece of grace for tomorrow, Lord. Not for me, but for them. Use me. That's all I ask.

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD" (Ps. 27:14).

Living Faith

Here is an example of living faith!

"If you can, take the time to listen to this 12 year old because everyone asks this same question at one time or another in their life. A remarkable phone call from a 12-yr old boy to Houston radio station KSBJ FM 89.3. So profound, the station has it posted on their website. Click below to listen to it. It's short."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0r_FbARIn8

God is at work in the lives of His children!

Prayer

Prayer is: Powerful. Lifechanging. Essential. Scriptural. And builds the most important relationship a sinner could ever know, that with his Savior. No wonder we are called to pray without ceasing, to pray for all men, to pray and not to faint.

"Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up your sins-even those you do in secret. Then you won't be ashamed; you will be confident and fearless. Your troubles will go away like water beneath a bridge." Job 11:13-16

A Fight to the Finish
10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

13-18 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Carmel apples

Tis the season! Apple season that is! Today I went apple picking with Marguerite, Heidi and Annie and Annie's son Isaiah. We had beautiful weather and the orchard practically to ourselves. We picked jonagold, golden delicious, fugi and jonathons. I also got some honeycrisp apples (a new fav. in Michigan).

I thought it would be fun to make some carmel to accompany the fresh apples. There's a really simple recipe online with three ingredients: sugar, butter and heavy whipping cream. You can check it out online at: http://www.elise.com/recipes/archives/001979caramel_sauce.php. The carmel sauce turned out perfectly, rich in flavor and creamy in texture (I give God the credit b/c I prayed over it first as everytime I've tried to make a sauce it turns out either runny or rock like;).

Thanks be to the Lord for his many blessings today: friends, apples and beautiful weather. His grace is sufficient!

Teaching

Not sure where to begin...it's been so long. I've been teaching music at a school in Lansing, MI. I teach middle schoolers how to sing (or should I say coax them to sing:). What a fascinating age: in and out of emotion, full of excitement, so eager to find an identity and all the while hungry for challenge after challenge. I feel like I've failed miserably when the students leave the classroom without questions or a lite up smile. I love my students; they are my jewels.

Teaching is so full of challenges, perhaps the biggest for new teachers is not letting yourself become shaken when things don't go according to plan. In these moments I'm learning to stop and take a deep breath, pray for stillness and set a careful watch over what words to speak to steer things in a positive direction. I say I'm learning because no two situations are the same. Another thing I'm learning is that you have to teach kids EVERYTHING: how to stand, how to sit, how to walk, how to talk, how to listen, how to respond, ect... Then, within the structure of rules and discipline, real learning takes place.

Teaching is my life during the day, my life during the night is a stormy sea. My Lord has been graciously giving me 8-5 each day. His grace is sufficient. I look at the hurdles ahead and shiver with fear of the unknown. But then, I'm driven to release my fear and walk forward in faith, believing that He has a plan, trusting and waiting.

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart; wait, I say, on the Lord" (Ps. 27:14). He is so good, so faithful and always reigning on His throne. He is the only teacher who can say that NOTHING catches Him by surprise!

Fears

God takes away only as many of our fears as we give to Him!

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you. Ps. 56:3

Divorce

If you are thinking of separating from a spouse or getting a divorce. DON'T DO IT. It really sucks. Nothing seems to go right, because your favorite person is GONE! All those habits that perhaps annoyed you, or those characteristics that drove you crazy...well, everyone has them so get over it, you'll never find perfection (except in Christ). Go against the grain!

You know our media doesn't help out any. Television, celebreties, music, everything is against the family and against marriage. On the other side of the fence, nobody seems to have a problem with two people living together; it is the norm. Instant gratification. The philosophy seems to be, if you're not happy than it's not worth your time. Well, I DISAGREE! You see beauty takes time. A person doesn't become beautiful overnite! And a marriage, well a marriage isn't always beautiful, people do stupid things, say mean things, but be the Bigger person, grow up and forgive. God put you together for a reason, and He makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecc. 3:11). Ecclesiasties says seven times to enjoy your spouse, enjoy life and as a result you'll be happy.

I miss my husband more than anything. He is my best friend. My favorite thing used to be ending up in the same bed together after a long day. I always knew I could talk to him, tell him anything. Now I journal and pray, which is great too, but it's not the same. You know?

Don't be selfish. Stay true to the one you fell in love with, they may be really screwing up right now, but he/she will come around in time. I receive advice everyday like, "Well he must not have been worth it, just move on." Bullcrap. And where will that get me...Ten years down the road still filled with regret and pain, twenty pounds heavier, wrinkles from crinkled eyebrows rather than smiles and in a relationship with someone that I have to force myself to love. No thanks.

"Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled." Hebrews 13:4a

Driven...

to my knees. Where else can I turn? I am lost in this sea. I cling to the only one who holds the key. Prayers are turned to praise. The prayer needs seem to multiply...so many requests...for family, for friends...so many...

Just one breath of air. Please. Just one answer, I pray.

Silence. Peace. Contentment. Jesus. I'm so glad He forgives and forgets. He is Awesome! There is always hope found in Him. I rejoice in this.

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe." Proverbs 18:10

my little peace

Today I watched my neice, Sophia, who is nearly eight months. (Mom and Sister Lily had gone off to the airport to pick up Grammy.) After a good nap and bottle, Sophia needed a little snack. I reached for a baby biscuit, put on my shoes and we went out for a walk. The stroller wasn't in sight, so I decided to carry Sophia as she was a bit clingy.

While we walked, I experienced such a joy and a peace. Sophia gently lay her head on my heart and was calmly sucking on her biscuit as my heart melted inside. As we slowly strolled along, I looked up to the sky to thank God for her. The wind blowing through the trees seemed to respond by singing praises, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and "Holy, holy, holy, the earth is filled with Thy glory!"

That was my little peace for today. Thank you, God.

well...

I'm going to GR today to help my sister find a place to live. Her radiator on her car cracked yesterday and she is without a car. :( She moves in three weeks...I can't believe I just got here and now she is leaving. So sad.

Well, we've got our coffee and a slue of excellent tunes so we should be golden. :)

Reflections

I have been blessed. As I reflect on this past summer before getting into gear for the school year, I am amazed at all that has taken place. From the fun things such as visiting family, blueberry picking, cedar point, swimming in Lake Michigan and reuniting with friends, to the necessary tasks such as moving.

Sometimes I ask God, "what now?" But there is one thing He's given me, that being my new job as a music teacher, and I think that's all He wants me to do right now in addition to being an aunt, sister, daughter, friend, etc... :)

Sometimes I explain to God that I've had enough pain and that I can't handle any more questions...but He doesn't seem to think so. All of His ways are a mystery, and I know that He wants me to fully rely on Him. It's character He's concerned about, not my comfort and He daily gives me the grace I need to live in His presence.

This years theme at school is "Created for a purpose," taken from Eph. 2:10, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Isn't it wonderful to know that you and I have a purpose! To God be the glory.

Miracles

I am tired and need to go to bed, but I have to share that miracles happened today! I received some help from three young, strong men to load my truck. Before we began work, it was raining. As we began our work, the rain stopped. Miracle. We worked steadily for two hours, which was all the time it took to load and secure the truck...miracle! After the very last box was loaded it began to poor down rain! Miracle. God's hand was evident through every detail from the biggest to the smallest. Coincidence? Good planning? I think not. God! Because of Him, packing was a breeze and there was even time to treat everyone to burgers. Thank you, Lord.

"The Lord is near to those who call upon Him" (Psalm 145:18). We leave in the early morning. I'm not worried about the trip, there's no need to be.

Simply Trust

Some days it is really hard for me to trust the Lord, trust that He will lead me each step of the way. I always come back to the verse in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." That part about "leaning on your own understanding" is tough for me as oft my mind works a mile a minute to try to understand the depth of my situation and where it is leading to. I thank God that He is in control and trust that today I must do what He's called me to do and He will lead me each step of the way! Lord, I'm keeping my eyes on You and resting in the fact that nothing I do can separate me from your love.

Read Romans 8:24-the end today to be assured that your life is in God's hands.

Patience waits!

"Lord, I pray for patience." This was my prayer last Fall. At the time, I didn't know why I was praying for patience. I think now I am learning why.

Why is having patience so hard? Maybe it's because the world in which we live is not conducive to patience. When we want something, we want it now and we have the means to get it! Right? I know if I order coffee at a restaurant, I expect it to come hot and fast. If one store can't serve me coffee the way I like, I can go to another one! Then, there's instant communication through cell phones, which allow us to be available for others all the time. I've often felt like a slave to my phone! Living with daily conveniences can cause me to be impatient, presumptuous, or to have expectations, but convenience does not produce character! So patience does not come naturally in a world of convenience; it is a daily struggle as we learn to wait on the Holy Spirit.

Often I question, "Lord, what it is that I am waiting for? Won't you give me a clue to my fate. Why is it that you tell me to wait?" But I think I am missing the beauty of patience! Maybe you are too? You see we are called to "let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing" (James 1:4). Gold when it is refined must go through a process. First, the gold is placed in the fire and the impurities on the outside are burned, turning black before being removed by the goldsmith. Then, as the fire is heated hotter, the impurities on the inside of the gold surface and when these have also been consumed and darkened by the flame, the goldsmith will remove them as well. The finished product is a purified piece of gold!

Even so, Lord Jesus, come! Whatever it is that God might be doing in your life, beckon Him to purify you! It is a beautiful thing. It hurts at times, it is humbling, it may feel like God's chipping away at your heart, but He has a purpose for refining us. We must never think that our waiting is in vain! We may be confident of this, "that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 1:6). The practice of patience helps complete something lacking in us!

So go ahead Lord, rid me of my blackness, bring out the worst in me so that the Holy Spirit can dwell here! I'll admit that I'm not perfect, I'm sorry for things in the past, but You have offered forgiveness and hope and You never give up on us! That is a promise! Teach me that patience waits!

Moving craziness

Ahhhhhh! There is so much to be done. Sometimes I don't even know where to start. Moving is crazy. This will be my third move in seven months. Ahhhhhhh.

Crazy. New job, new life, same struggles. It's a balancing act, mixed in with patience and trust. I am so exhausted...and it's Monday!

Known Love

It's late at night...I shouldn't be writing...but I just had to say that I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I have known love. That I have known love in its purest form. A kind of love that isn't birthed overnight but comes slowly. A love that wasn't chosen by you but for you. A love that is everlasting, just like its symbol, the ring.

I was loved. Because I have known, I am able to give. Maybe this is my calling...to give love so that others may know.

We love, because He first loved us. I John 4:19

Broken

I feel so broken. I miss my best friend. I miss my companion. I just want to fix everything myself. I want to change myself. I want to change the past. I want to orchestrate the future. But I can't do anything. Why, I ask. Why. Even Marilyn Monroe understood pain when she wrote, "When love goes wrong, Nothing goes right." This is true. Nothing feels right. Nothing works right. Everything is wrong.

Broken, I need Jesus. This song talks about how it's all about Jesus. It's about a relationship. "It's just you and me here now." He's more concerned with our character than our comfort. Broken, take heart in Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPs-2hn5ZOg

Only You
David Crowder Band
from the album illuminate

Take my heart. I lay it down
At the feet of you who's crowned
And take my life, I'm letting go
I lift it up, to You who's throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You, Lord

Take my feet, take my fear
All I have I'm leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And it's just You and me here now
Only You and me here now

You should see the view
When it's only You

Priceless!

So I don't often share my little events of the day, but today's was priceless...

Tonight I had dinner with my two-year old niece, Lily. Three-bean casserole was on the menu, one of my sister-in-law's specialties. After Lily finished her dinner, she came and sat on my lap. It wasn't long before she had taken possession of my spoon and was soon exploring my plate. As I watched her inquisitively, she began loading up a spoon full, but since she was no longer hungry, she offered it to me! I maneuvered my head to reach the spoon and carefully took a bite. She must have really enjoyed this opportunity and proceeded to feed me the remains on my plate. I smiled as I watched her. I decided things had perhaps gone to far when she reached her messy, little fingers onto the plate to rescue the last bean before forcing it into my mouth!

Priceless!

I Love to Laugh!

Psalm 42:5 says, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." This was my feeling when I woke up this morning, I was very unhappy, and here I am at the end of the day, happy once again. Why?

Well, today I spent time with my eldest sister, Julie. Lately, Julie has been such a joy in my life and a healing balm for me. Today she invited me to a picnic on the lake. We must have spent eight plus hours in the sun eating, drinking, visiting and...LAUGHING! We laughed and laughed until our bellies hurt and gentle tears dimmed our vision. Now, at the end of the day and after hours of laughing, I feel great. I could go out and run ten miles! "I love to laugh," a memorable song from the classic film Mary Poppins, states so fittingly:

I love to laugh Ha Ha Ha Ha

Loud and long and clear

I love to laugh Ho Ho Ho Ho

It’s getting worse every year

The more I laugh Ha Ha Ha Ha

The more I fill with glee

And the more with glee He He He He

The more I’m a merrier me!

"A cheerful heart is good medicine!"

Proverbs 17:22

Praise the Lord for good times and remember to laugh today!

Living a kid's pace

I am sitting in the extra room at my parents-in-law's home reflecting on the past week. Tomorrow's the big drive home! Laying next to me, the deep breathing of my sleeping neice, Lily, calms me.

I love being an Aunt! Lily and Sophia bring me so much joy! Lily turns two tomorrow and Sophia is seven months! This past week has been spent around the girls clock: playing, eating (kid stuff of course), napping, changing diapers, traveling (between the two car seats;), and, of course, cuddling! I have gotten more slobbery kisses this week than I can count, and all of them well received!

Kids are amazing. Inventive. Fun. And hungry to learn! It's fun to see my neices develop! For example, Lily has been talking a lot! It's impressive...she's moving from single words to forming sentences and, at times, I can almost have a conversation with her! She's great at communicating her needs! Sopie also talks, or should I say babbles, quite a bit, especially when she's happy.

An amazing thing about children is, when you're with them, you almost feel as though you are reliving your childhood! I feel as though it is God's perfect design so that we remain youthful inside! I love teaching and learning with children, most of all my neices! I am excited too that my new job will bring me close to them! By God's grace, being with the girls helps me forget about my hurt. Happy days ahead. Perhaps some day I'll have my own.

Boston

I'm sitting in a comfortable, reclining chair, sipping tea and overlooking the city of Boston from an eighth story apartment. The windows are open and there is a peaceful lull to the constant sound of traffic below. Looking up, the sky feels so close to me. It's truly amazing to gaze upon God's creation from different views. It is a blessing.

This picture was taken along the Charles River across from Harvard and MIT. Everyone looks thoughtful.

I'm smiling as I think of the events of the day. Walking around Boston with a beautiful baby, my neice, Sophia, eating out at Melissa and Kyle's favoirte pizza place, Pizza Reginas, and then crashing back at the apartment at the close of the day (Four adults, four laptops:-). We are so pampered! God is good.

Strings Attached

From today's Daily Bread:
Ray Bethell is a world champion kite flyer. He can make multiple kites twist and turn in such precision that they behave as if they are one.

"The Kite; or Pride Must Have a Fall."

by John Newton

a selection of a poem about a kite who dreamed of being cut free from its string

Were I but free, I'd take a flight,

And pierce the clouds beyond their sight,

But, ah! Like a poor pris'ner bound,

My string confines me near the ground.

-

The kite does finally manage to tug itself free, but instead of soaring higher in the sky, it crashes into the sea.

-

The analogy calls me to reconsider some "strings" that make me feel constrained. Vows. Promises. Commitments. Responsibilities. Although such things make me feel tied down, God uses them to hold me up. As James teaches, it is our willingness to be humbled (or held down) that God uses to lift us up. "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up" (James 4:10).

Before cutting any string, make sure it's not the one that's holding you up. -Julie Ackerman Link

Read James 4:1-10.

Happy Father's Day

Dad's are so special. Around to listen, to talk, to guide, to support and most importantly...There to love.

Happy Father's Day, with love.

I heard a sermon this weekend by David Jeremiah called "Deciding to be a New Man;" it was a tribute to men in honor of Father's Day. If you have time, you may find this sermon food for your soul. Just click on the link below:

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Turning_Point/archives.asp?bcd=2008-6-13

Just breathe

I am so tired of coping. It hurts...it hurts so bad. Sometimes it feels as though my chest is the only thing keeping my heart in place.

A friend reminded me, "Joey, just breathe." Just wake up each day and breathe. Then, walk step by step...and trust.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." I Peter 5:7

There is a Reason

This is a music video taken in April of my brother and I singing the song "There is a Reason" from Caedmon's Call new album entitled Overdressed. The video isn't pristine and the first few minutes of the video are shaky but it soon becomes clear. If nothing else I hope you can listen to the words and think about a time in your life when things didn't go as planned...There is a reason!

Cademon's Call � There Is A Reason
From the album � Overdressed (2007)
Words and music by Andrew Osenga and Randall Goodgame

Late at night I wonder why
Sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I'm so tired
I don't even try
Seems everything around me fails
But I hold on to the promise
That there is a reason

Late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who've gone in front of me
Through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

Chorus:
He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There's a time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

I believe in a God who sent His only son
To walk upon this world and give His life for us
With blood and tears on a long, dark night
We know that He believed
That there is a reason
There is a reason

Chorus:

For the lonely nights
And broken hearts
The widow's mite
In the rich man's hand
And the continent
Whose blood becomes a traitor

For the child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason
There is a reason

Chorus:

Liberating Truth

We all have fears. One of my fears is failure. I have recognized that often fear inhibit's me from walking with God. Sometimes the spirit may lead me to do something and before giving it a go I say, "no!" When pride gets in the way, we can't be used by God. Mike Clarkson, a pastor from South Carolina, follows the motto "Get out there and do. Some of the things you do are going to work, so keep doing it. Some of the things you do aren't going to work, so stop doing it."

Today's daily bread speaks about the liberating truth for Christians.

"An unmarried missionary had been disparaging herself. She was unhappy with her life in general, but she was especially displeased with what she felt was her low level of spiritual growth.

One morning she looked searchingly at herself in the mirror. Then, very slowly, she said, "God I thank You that I am myself and can never be anybody else."

That was her moment of liberating self-acceptance. She realized that by God's design she was an absolutely unique person, a Christ-redeemed human being who could never be replaced or duplicated.

Do you condemn yourself because you aren't as spiritual as you think you ought to be? Do you see yourself as a second-rate disciple, lacking the gifts and graces possessed by fellow believers who seem to be models of prayer, witness, and service? We can rise above the mood of self-rejection and enjoy grateful self-acceptance when we put our lives into the nail-pierced hands of Jesus. "In Him we have redemption through His blood, [and] the forgiveness of sins" (Eph. 1:7). We are accepted and chosen by Him (V. 4-6).

If the Lord has accepted us, surely we can accept ourselves! That's the liberating truth." -Vernon Grounds

He made us accepted in the Beloved. -Eph. 1:6

Character

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

~ Helen Keller

Questions

I have recognized that one of my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses is my optimism. I know pain, but revealing it only welcomes weakness, a character trait innate to my gender yet fought with fierceness within my inner self. Will the pain ever disappear? How could I trust anyone ever again? I’ve been rejected by the one I’d become most vulnerable to. What kind of trust is that? I question my readiness to give and to love. How could I love another with deepest passion? Perhaps my love had become intoxicating and is still causing me to drive under the influence.

So many thoughts and questions and few answers. I look to the healer, my great physician, with longing eyes and a broken heart.

Addiction

I read this following excerpt in a book by Larry Crabb, a well-known psychologist, conference and seminar speaker, Bible teacher, popular author, and founder/director of NewWay Ministries. He shares on his website, "If I ever publish my autobiography, I’ll call it Sovereign Stumbling. My life journey to date is a series of how I have stumbled and how God has consistently guided me in His sovereign ways." He testifys that the Christian walk is filled with testings; how we deal with them makes us who we are.

"All of us are trapped by addiction to a desire for something less than God. For many women, that something less is relational control. “I will not be hurt again and I will not let people I love be hurt. I’ll see to it that what I fear never happens.” They therefore live in terror of vulnerably presenting themselves to anyone and instead become determined managers of people. Their true femininity remains safely tucked away behind the walls of relational control.

More common in men is an addiction to nonrelational control. “I will experience deep and consuming satisfaction without ever having to relate meaningfully with anyone.” They keep things shallow and safe with family and friends and feel driven to experience a joy they never feel, a joy that only deep relating can provide. Their commitment is twofold: to never risk revealing inadequacy by drawing close to people and, without breaking that commitment, to feel powerful and alive. Power in business and illicit sex are favorite strategies for reaching that goal.

The only cure for addiction is the gospel. We will not find the power to resist the pull toward lesser desires until we discover a more powerful desire that we long to fulfill, a desire the Spirit creates within our hearts when the Father forgives us. We must discover our desire for God. As we discover that desire, we come to see that we cannot pursue God and a lesser source of pleasure at the same time. The desire for God and the desire for anything else are competitive. Only one can serve as the guiding rule of life.

When we attempt to serve two masters, we end up bowing before the one who is more apparently responsive to our needs and hating the other. An hour of pornography reaps more immediate dividends than an hour of prayer. It’s only play money, but it looks real. And it does buy pleasure on demand. Prayer doesn’t do that.

We will not win the battle against addiction without discovering our desire for God. Therefore, if you want to know God, welcome shattered dreams. Nothing reveals our desire for Him so effectively.

But we must also discover God’s desire for us. A recognized desire for God exposes our idolatry and sets us on a better path. But only a fulfilled desire for God provides the power to consistently resist the lure of lesser pleasures and to stay anchored in Christ when life’s storms rage. The branch must draw life from the vine or it withers and dies."

The Pitcher

I guess sometimes I want to write but cannot so I read other's blogs. This story is amazing! It's a testimony of a woman who was lost and searching and met with her Savior! She intertwines her life story with a therapeutic activity she engaged in: the breaking of a piece of pottery and then putting the pieces back together again!

I hope you enjoy it!

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Plan B

A friend of mine shared these thoughts with me from the blog of another sister in Christ who is going through the fire. As I read her words, they felt like mine so I made them mine...

I am learning a lot lately. God is truly sharpening me, molding me. Sometimes it feels as if He is literally chipping away at my heart. It hurts. Its unwelcome. Its needed.

I am learning many things. I am learning that I have no control over my life, HUGE wake-up call! I am learning what it means to live a spirit-controlled life. I am learning that I can't change who I am...that I must follow my heart. I am learning that I must be real with myself and others, I cannot hide from my circumstance. I am learning that if I tried to bear all of my anxiety, fear and pain that I could not stand to live. I am learning that I can still be in a relationship with God and yet question why He has allowed me to walk this path. I am learning that I am happiest when I am being used by God. I am learning that I have the awesome privilege of being surrounded by amazing people who are so gracious to me, and that God remains the only consistent thing in my life. I am learning that many people I encounter daily don't have the appreciation for life that I have. The appreciation of committing to one person for life and caring for them regardless of circumstance. They just tell me to get over it and move on, but they aren't walking in my shoes. I am learning that no matter how much I try, some people just don't get it. Why I continue to hope against all odds (I guess I don't even get this). They don't get the pain that comes from that. The pain of trying to predict the future and failing miserably, knowing that the situation could lead me down two paths that are polar opposites: restoration or separation (a terrible word that turns my stomach and the knowledge that what I have always hated may be my reality, regardless of my disapproval towards it). I am learning that God is still the same today that He was the day before he allowed me to be torn away from my companion. He is still the same God that I entrusted my life to, the same God I praise.

I am learning that some days I handle my grief with grace and eloquence. Other days I fall apart at the seams. This list could go on and on but I guess my point is that God is changing me, molding me and hopefully one day I can stand on the other side of this and say, "Thank you" and "I understand." I am not there yet. Not even sure how long it will take me to get there but I know that God doesn't expect me to be there. He doesn't expect me to have it all together. That's why I said "I am learning" not that "I have learned."

Some days I do better, some days worse. But isn't that His prayer...that broken people would find Him; seek Him? And yet I think most the time we question Him. It's only natural after all. Someone always has to be at fault, right? So that leaves me asking, "Whose to blame for this? "Is it me? Is it her? Is it God? I ask myself questions every single day. It haunts me. I DON'T KNOW. But I do know that placing the blame on someone else won't bring me lasting joy. It is not my job to defend what I have done and will do. God is my judge, my defender, my all. God has a bigger purpose, a bigger reason. I rest in knowing that this is not Plan B. Plan B to us, yes, but never once was any of this a surprise to Him. He is my God and I trust Him with it all. All the ugly, yucky parts of it. But believe me when I say, I don't have it all together. I don't get up every morning and praise God. I struggle with trusting Him fully. I don't always wake up thankful for the journey I am walking...What I do is get up every morning and ask for the strength to get through the day...in one piece. I ask that He will wipe my tears and hold me close. That even though I can't be all to Him that I should be, that He will carry me. And 5 months later, He is doing just that.

If it is above your head, it is below His feet!

Friends

This song has been around for nearly twenty years, yet it's still so touching...can you hear the tune as you read the words?...

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

Can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter in your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone

'Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Refrain:

And friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say "never" 'cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends

With the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you'll live in

Is the strength that now you show

-

A friendship in the Lord truly lasts. Think about friends of yours who have stood with you over time through thick and thin when all others dwindled away. Can you see the Lord's hand at work?!? How?

Even more amazing is the friend we have in Jesus. He sticks closer than a brother.

Abigail

Tonight I had dinner with some local friends, including a family from Mexico. The dinner was served buffet style and we were given direction to sit anywhere we pleased. I chose to sit outside because the weather was gorgeous--nice and cool with a gentle breeze. I was actually the only adult to sit outside, but after a few minutes Abigail, the four year old daughter of the family from Mexico, joined me. She was escorted outside by her mother who asked politely if Abigail could sit with me because she wanted to eat with me. I was touched and willingly agreed. After a short while of choppy conversation (me asking Abigail questions and receiving answers which completely diverted from my question) I was shocked when Abigail asked me if I knew the story of Jesus dying on the cross. After confirming my answer she asked me if I would tell her the story. When I finished, she asked me if I would read it to her from the Bible. At first, I reacted a bit annoyed because this would mean I would have to stop eating my dinner, but then I realized the privilege and joy this would be and I soon found more enjoyment in reading to her the account of Jesus' death found rather than finish my food.

Children certainly teach us many things, such as how to live without worry, speaking what's really on your mind and finding enjoyment in the little things. To Abigail, happiness wasn't about the food, it was about talking about her favorite subject, Jesus. Precious, huh!

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them,"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16

Pain

As one to whom feeling pain is still quite new, it is hard to write about this subject, but I hope it may bring direction or comfort to those of you who have recognized its existence in your life. Let me begin by quoting scripture, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn thy statutes" (Psalm 119:71).

Pain is real. I know this now. I feel as though I am losing my best friend in the whole wide world. I feel lost. This is painful, the kind of painful that makes you sick...not because you have a virus or a stomach bug, but because you have been physically traumatized. For me my pain has been targeted in my heart; it aches with a constant numbness and sometimes feels as though it is scattered within me.

Pain shapes who you are and who will become. I've wanted to hide my pain or run from it at times, but I am starting to understand that it is good for me to recognize it, rather than ignore it. It's better to deal with it now and pursue my walk with the Lord than to harden myself towards it and live a defeated life. "In all these things we are more than conquerors to Him that loved us" (Romans 8:37). There is a kind of strength that comes from dealing with it, rather than shoving it to the side. I've been told, "Whatever doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger." If I'm in the pit, then I know only two things can happen: I can either give in and let go or I can be pulled up and out. I choose to go up (by God's grace).

God can do wonders with a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces. Victor Alfsen

The Patience of Faith

Patience is more than endurance. A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says-- "I cannot stand anymore." God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. TRUST yourself in God's hands. For what have you need of patience just now? Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith. "Though He slay me, yet will I WAIT for Him."

FAITH is the heroic effort of your life; you fling yourself in reckless confidence on God. There are spots where that faith has not worked in us as yet, places untouched by the life of God. There were none of those spots in Jesus Christ's life, and there are to be none in ours. "This is life eternal, that they might know Thee." The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we take this view, life becomes one great romance, a glorious opportunity for seeing marvelous things all the time. God is disciplining us to get us into this central place of power.

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. Amazing, hugh! This book is really a must-have. It is set up into 365 daily readings that are rich in truth. I received my first one (KJV) as a graduation gift in 2001 from Linda Egger and my second one (NIV) from my husband, Rick, before I left for New Jersey to be a camp counselor in 2002. I love both editions.

Step by Step

It's funny, I want to write so many things these days, but I just can't...I feel vulnerable enough as it is. It's been so hard to share my feelings, though they are many, they are mine and I feel safest when I keep them that way. It's so much easier to share facts. Feelings are nebulous.

Today a friend asked me how I was doing. I responded with my usual, "Fine." One sister interpreted "fine" as meaning: frustrated, irritated, narotic and exhausted. Is that what I am?

So do you want to hear facts? I have been doing a lot of running these days. I love running. I would run all day if I could. I have a few hindrances holding me back. One, I work. And, two, I have a slight injury in my "It band" (or Iliotibial Band), a muscle which is very difficult to stretch correctly (demo stretch at left). I think it will take time to heal, but it gets better with each run. I just ran in a 10K. I'm hoping to work my way up to a marathon, just for fun. We'll see, only the Lord knows.

It's quite apparent that I live step by step these days, but I've realized an amazing lesson: No matter how many steps you take backwards, it only takes one step to move you in the right direction!

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand." Psalms 37:23-24

Perseverance. Determination. Endurance. Strength. Courage. The Remedy. Hope.

National Day of Prayer

Being the first day of May, today is the annual National Day of Prayer. This years theme is America's Strength and Shield, taken from Psalm 28:7, "The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusteth in him and I am helped."

Pray with adoration:

we worship and praise an awesome God! Psalm 103:1-5.

Pray with thanksgiving:

Psa 100:4, "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. "

Pray for an awakening:

for revival in the Church and Family.

Pray for advancement for our community and country:

Right choices made in our schools, military and media. II Timothy 2:1-2, "I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty."

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." II Corinthians 7:14

2008 Prayer for Our Nation

Dr. Ravi Zacharias

2008 Honorary Chairman, National Day of Prayer Task Force

Holy Father, in a world where so many are hungry,

You have given us food in abundance;

In a world where so many are hurting,

You offer to bind up our wounds;

In a world where so many are lonely,

You offer friendship to every heart;

In a world longing for peace,

You offer hope.

Yet, we are so stubborn and resistant.

Have mercy upon us, Lord.

Our nation is at a crossroads this year;

we look to you to be our strength and shield.

Please give us the guidance to elect one who will honor you

and to respond to the wisdom from above

so that our hope may be renewed and our blessings be treasured.

In God's holy name. Amen.

Julie

This is my new friend Julie. Julie is five years old and has a younger sister, Sydney, who is eight months old. Julie is in Kindergarten and is a joy to be around. Julie loves to sing and help her mom by taking care of her sister. Her daddy is in Iraq and she prays daily for his safety. Julie recently got a pet gerbal and named her "Joey."

Last night, Julie and I went for a walk with a few other friends. I asked Julie if she would sing for me. She said she wanted to sing a new song that she learned at school, "The Star-Spangled Banner." I was AMAZED to hear her beautiful voice. Sung with clarity, good intonation and expression, Julie's rendition of the "The Star-Spangled Banner" moved me to near tears.

I thank God for Julie and for her mom, who has also been a wonderful new friend. Their life is a testimony of God's provision. "Be strong and courageous! Do not terrified, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -- Joshua 1:9

Picture posted with permission.

Our precious Jewel!

This week was hard. My tears have been my food. My Jesus has been my peace.

Yesterday, I thought I saw my husband. My heart sank and nearly rose to leap for joy when...I realized it was not him. I thought I was going to lose it. I prayed, "Lord, I need you." I waited. I cried. I searched. I waited... He answered my call. "My child, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I will supply your needs and I will comfort you...you need only ask."

A primary hindrance of prayer is that we do not ask in faith believing that God can do the impossible, that he can heal broken hearts and offer a life of peace and hope and that he will answer us in our time of darkness! It is normal to have doubts. As the chosen we are always under attack. Our enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion seeking whom he may devour. There are so many things in this world that we do not understand. But we do not have the mind of God and we must believe in him by faith. Romans 11:33-34 says, "Oh the depths of the riches of both the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and His ways past finding out! For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become his counselor?" Then, Deuteronomy 4:29 exclaims, "But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul."

As Christians we must guard our hearts from anything that would attempt to steer hearts from Jesus saving grace. Jesus is our precious Jewel, our faithful. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. He will care for you, protect you and carry you home. Hear his voice, "Come all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." Confess all to Him and he will listen. Go to Him today. Tell him what's on your heart and let him remove your sin and doubt and heal you. He wants to listen; you must go to him in faith! He is our precious Jewel!

Birthdays!

Wow! April seems to be a hot month for birthdays!!! I thought I'd write an ode to you all!

My brother Jeff, April 15th: I hope your day was filled with fabulous things to eat!
My Dad Stephen, April 16th: I hope you enjoy an extra long motorcycle ride and hugs from your "neighborhood granddaughters," and your wife, of course;)
My cousin Jonathan King: April 16th, I hope you bask in the joy that comes from being anointed by the one true King, our Savior! You are a true example to us all!
My dear friend Kristen Rabler: April 17th, I hope your students do something extra special for you!
My "twin" cousin Christopher: April 18th, I hope you enjoy a day of non-stop physical energy!
My two sisters Julie and Jesse: April 23rd, I hope you enjoy a day of pure kindness from everyone who has the privilege of interacting with you! You are the best sisters in the world!
My dear friend Heidi Decker: April 24th, I hope you enjoy a smooth-sailing day at work and overwhelming love from all your friends!

(My precious kitty Miss Traminette: April 27th, I hope you are sleeping well at night. I miss the warmth you brought sleeping by my tummy;)


And to you all: I pray that you are seasoned with salt to speak the good news of Jesus, to shine like the sun, and to be a city set on a hill in the calling to which God has placed you. I love you! Joey

First week update

This first week back to work has been really wonderful. I have been doing a lot of listening and learning as I instruct during the day. The fifth grade students are so eager to be done with the year and with elementary school, but they are not ready to graduate and have many lessons to learn. I am implementing new procedures; they are slowly adapting. I look forward to every day! I am enjoying establishing relationships with my new collegues; many of whom are exhausted from a trying year and have welcomed me like a breath of fresh air.

Jesus is my best friend and He sticks with me closer than a brother. He carries me through each day. As I go with Him, trusting nearly every step of the way, I know that as I change, he changeth not. I must be queit enough to hear His whisper.

The little things

Today was a BIG day for me; I started a new, semi-permanent job! I'm a fifth grade co-teacher/assistant with another home-room teacher! We have a wonderful group of students (25 in all) and the school is a small and friendly, family-like, public elementary. With this new job, I'm just taking it a day at a time; the Lord's mercies are certainly new every day! I feel like I'm being pulled along, but hey, I guess that's better than being pushed!

Well, even though this is a big day, it is still the little things that held my attention. For starters, I loved teaching subject matter! Today I taught social studies; we talked about the stamp act and its effect on the people. Then, after school, I was waiting for the bell with a couple of my 5th graders. I noticed that their backpack straps were so lose that their bags hung down to their knees, so I asked them if their backpacks were comfortable or if they'd enjoy a better fit. I thought they would shove off my help and move on, but to my surprise they responded positively and asked me to teach them how to solve the issue! These kids are hungry; they're just longing for attention, for someone to care.

After school, I went to this event called "Running Club." It's a club for all elementary students that meets on Mondays. Students get together, stretch, talk about running and personal goals, then walk/run together. I went to represent "teachers" and to motivate the students. We have a running meet on Saturday that was the highlight of today's conversation. The club leader is the P.E. coach; I met him at the professional running group that I joined. It's amazing, he's run 150 marathon's in his lifetime! He's a role model to me through his inspiring students by organizing activities fit just for them. I find it providential that these people just happened in my life!

Then another, more personal situation stood out, this thing actually quite small. After running club I went out to do a quick errand before meeting a friend for an appointment. During the errand, I got held up. Instead of pushing time and all limits and ploughing through the errand to have it "be done" (while worrying the whole time as I'd be late for my appointment), I chose to do the right thing and gave up the errand to meet my friend on time. This is a breakthrough for me as I'm very good at pushing limits! The peace that came over me was amazing!

It's funny. Often when we reflect on our life, we measure change by the big events, yet in actuality we change by incriments, which makes change hard to see during the process. Little things really do matter...they can add up to form strength! One ant won't budge an elephant, but an army of ants is a different story!

I praise my God for his faithfulness in guiding my day. "And the God of second chance. picked me up and he made me dance!"

Tilling the land

These past few days, I helped a friend work in the yard to plant this seasons herbs and vegetables. It felt good to get my hands dirty, to till the earth, to rid it of weeds and dead roots and to plant new life. We talked as we worked.

As I shared of my hurt and pain, he said to me, "I know you don't want for this right now, but regardless, this is your life. Now. Today. Whatever you're going through, you were meant to endure. So live. The question is: Are you who you want to be?"

I haven't been able to get those words out of my head: This is your life, are you who you want to be.

Today, as I was working in the dirt, I realized that Jesus is my gardener. He has to work on me to rid me of impurities (weeds, rottenness, things that dirty my vision of him), then he waters me and makes me grow. I guess this season is just part of the process. The problem is that plants don't grow over night. I must wait to see what I'll become.

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him" Psalm 37:7a.

Cup of tea

The past few days have been very difficult. My emotions are as fragile as a piece of blown glass. I wake up in the early hours of the morning, broken; it takes all the energy I posses to make myself a cup of tea and crawl to the chair where my Bible sits eagerly awaiting our morning reunion. Sometimes I cry as I read knowing that God's love is going to see me through this day.

I'm thankful that my appetite has returned. There's comfort in food. It gives me energy to do the things I love: run, teach, sing, help others, and visit with friends.

But what about my expectations, my dreams, my future? Daily comforts could never fulfill these longings.

My world has been turned upside down. Everything I have ever wanted has been put on hold. My expectations to live at peace with my husband and eventually have children. My dream of sharing Jesus with others through the testimony of a godly home. My future with the husband of my youth. All of my expectations are tossed into a sea of confusion as a greater and new desire sprouts and blossoms. I desire to give my life entirely to Jesus. I submit my life and everything I ever wanted and walk in faith!

I have peace living for my Lord. I wake up every day, not knowing what will be accomplished or how my mood will interfere or affect circumstances, then I give the day to God. It's seems simple, I guess, but it's a daily battle. It's been amazing to see what the Lord brings my way. God is good. I don't deserve His love, yet He is so gracious. I submit, Lord, my life is yours. This is my cup of tea.

Relationships

Thank God for relationships. All kinds: moms who care for us, close friends who cheer us up and give us good advice (not just the stuff we want to hear), brothers and sisters for their unending support, the cashier at the grocery store, the new guy at church, the faithful neighbor who just mowed your lawn for the third time because he noticed you were having a rough week.

This past week I have met so many new faces and have enjoyed getting to know all different kinds of people. Every human is certainly unique. God did not use a cookie cutter when he created us! Yet we all share one thing in common: We all were created to give God the glory.

Praise God for his faithfulness and for calling us to be the salt of the world. May every encounter you share this week be a testimony of your faith. May we be lights in a darkened world!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Parable of the mule

Once there was a farmer who owned an old mule. One day the mule fell into the farmer's well and the farmer heard the mule 'praying' or whatever mules do when they fall into wells.

After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together, told them what had happened and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back HE COULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP!

This he did, blow after blow. "Shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up!", He repeated this to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought "panic" and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP!

It wasn't long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, STEPPED TRIUMPHANTLY OVER THE WALL OF THAT WELL! What seemed like it would bury him actually helped him...all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity.

THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity ...THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY US USUALLY HAVE WITHIN THEM THE VERY REAL POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT US!

"Remember that amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic." Remember that FORGIVENESS -- FAITH -- PRAYER -- PRAISE and HOPE...all are excellent ways to "SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP" out of the wells in which we find ourselves! Also, remember, more importantly, that when God is for us, who can be against us!

Prayer works! He's real.

Amazing story. A lady I just met has a difficult life. Her husband was deployed to Iraq last Fall and she has been caring for her daughter, Sydney, who struggles with major health issues (since she was 20 weeks in the womb). I share with you this story through a letter from the husband (to remain anonymous):

Earlier I went on an old friends Myspace page and could easily see he found God. He had a country song by George Straight playing. It was talking about how he "Saw God today!". Later as I went to my office in Iraq, I sort of noticed the sun was shinning, sky was clear, no BOOMS! Just a few Apaches over head. I wasn't really looking forward to what ever today was going to bring my way, but it would be another day down soon enough. I got to my desk to see if I had any bad guys to look into. Nope! Fumbled around with some college, and checked all my emails. Then the phone rings. It's my wife. Like normal everything stops. Then, well, I saw God today.

My little Peanut, Sydney, as you know was born with some kidney issues. One has been dead for some time, and she needs surgery to remove it, take out other things, and then repair her bladder. This was to take about three surgeries each about a month apart. I said I saw God today. I also said, "WAS to take three surgeries!".

My wife took Sydney in for some test and ultrasounds a few days ago. The doctor called her today to fill her in on what he found. He saw God too. Sydneys "Dead" kidney is working at 90%, producing urine, and his words, "cant explain it, she couldn't look better". She'll still have to have her bladder repaired, but that can wait, and is no where as serious as the kidney issue.

I know alot of people have been praying for her. Most I don't even know. I wish I did though. I prayed each night that God would take care of my peanut. That he would see that she would be fine. I knew all along she would be OK, that she would have to have the procedures, and then off to her normal life. But, for her to have to go through it? It hurt. I trusted in him, and again he has not let me down. My wife has been at home with her. Since I deployed she has had to stay in the hospital a number of times. My wife is the strongest individual I have ever known!

So, after I hung up I made my way to the chapel. I walked in the same sun, under the same clear sky, and still saw the same Apaches over head. Thing were obviously a bit different this time. My sunglasses were on, but my cheeks weren't dry, and I didn't care! I had to be alone for a moment. Had to do things my way. I had to get it out. Now, I had to get it out to you! Prayer works! He's real.

Rollar Coaster Ride

I'm so tired of my emotions fluctuating so much. One minute I'm fine and trusting in the Lord and the next minute I'm crying missing my beloved. Life is hard, but God is good!

Yet, I wouldn't trade these last two months for anything. My Jesus has been my all in all. His name is so SWEET and my relationship to Him has become so intimate.

Missing you all, Joey:)

ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS

Despised and rejected.

My world has been turned upside down. I have been chewed up and spit out. Taken advantage of. But somehow I am able to understand that our Lord was aquainted with our sorrows and greif. He knows my pain. There is healing is his blood.

How will I move on? I know not...but He does.

Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Okay. So I guess you could say I'm walking through a valley right now...but I'm not walking alone. I have the Lord, and I have all of you, my brothers and sisters in Christ. A lady recently left me with some food for thought after a long conversation. She said, "You know, Joey, the Lord gives us three answers to our prayers: YES, NO and NOT NOW!" Well, I guess I'm in the "not now" phase. I don't know where my life is going, but I'm daily walking in faith and in the hope I have in Christ alone.

Christ certainly is our foothold. All other foundations crumble, fall and fail us, BUT He will never leave us nor forsake us. I wasn't aware of my personal shortcomings and idols until the Lord caused my favorite thing to fall. At first I latched on and tried to solve problems on my own, constantly throwing ropes into the ravine to where I was losing everything. Then, the Lord revealed to me that He is in control; I have no need to worry, but only TRUST. I'm not losing everything, in fact, I have everything I need.

At first Satan allowed me to believe a lie, but the truth has set me free. He still attacks me and I daily fight. "A great warrior, doesn't become a great warrior without a good fight." I will not fear, what can man do unto me? Simply seek truth and do the right thing.

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

My dear friend Nan recently got me some lilies. She said, they remind us of the resurrection!